Past Life Awareness: Interesting but Not Necessary

Could you comment on past life regressions?
Today in a wide-ranging discussion that began with sleep and dreams, a student asked for my comments on past life regressions. I answered that I had facilitated quite a few of them, and had seen one person profoundly shift her personality expression as a result, but there are easier ways to get past life information if you want it.

What I didn't say, as that discussion expanded to other questions from other students, is that I don't believe past life information is necessary for personal or spiritual growth.

Let me explain a little more . . .
"Past lives" or past embodiments of our souls are a part of my working reality. I read about the great religions of the world when I was 14 doing a research project for a class, and instantly felt an understanding and appreciation of the concept of reincarnation, as well as the ultimate oneness of God that expresses differently through many religions. For many years, I simply sat with these thoughts. The East Texas Bible Belt was not a place for easy conversation about such heretical ideas!

When I was about 30, reflecting on various personal dilemmas in prayer and meditation, I spontaneously began receiving past life information about myself, as simple but profoundly meaningful inner awareness. (For the many people who do not believe in past lives, it might be helpful to think of past life descriptions as metaphors for the lessons we are learning in this life.)

This moment is the choice point
In truth, this life right here and right now is what counts, for here we are at choice, every moment, for where we focus and what we do.

For me, the main value in knowing about any past existence is to help me understand some particular situation or personality pattern that I'm dealing with now. Right now, this moment, I have the power to change how I respond to myself or to others around me. I can choose loving and forgiveness. I can choose win-win negotiations. I can choose to let go of my complaining and victimhood and find the good in the situation. I can take care of myself and help take care of others. I can aim for the highest good for all concerned in any given situation, to the best of my ability. When I'm confused, I can ask for clarity and understanding. I can ask for the Christ-Light to guide me.

Bringing a bit of the past into the now moment
At times, a glimpse of the past (this life or some other) gives my mind a "reason" to explain some of the inequalities and imbalanced situations in my world. Flashes to some other existence can often help me quickly get the bigger picture, seeing how I have been far from perfect in my lesson plan on the planet, and recognizing what I need to learn to move forward now. Which brings me back to the present moment of awareness, choice, and action. In this moment, I am responsible for my continuing learning, growth and upliftment.

We don't have to have past life awareness to make wise, kind and loving choices in the present moment. In my experience with many deeply spiritual friends, some relate easily to the idea of past lives and receive value from this type of awareness. Others could care less about previous existences and find their inspiration and answers in the practical, logical or intuitive assessment of this life. "This life is quite enough, thank you very much," they seem to say.

Past life awareness can bring change in the present life
The beautiful woman who changed her personality so radically, started by wanting to overcome her fear and avoidance of men. She experienced a very uncomfortable past life as a child prostitute in the middle ages, forced to this lifestyle for survival, hating herself, hating men. During our session, she came to a place of acceptance, understanding and inner peace about this broken life. Two years later, she shared that in the three months or so after our session, she started wearing dresses instead of black pants and a white shirt; she let her closely cropped hair grow long; she relaxed and stopped being afraid of men; she had her first date at age 28. She had been happily married for over a year and was expecting her first child!

The power of belief
As with so many topics in psychology, what a person believes strongly influences what she experiences. Each one of us is living uniquely to fulfill our own curriculum for life. While our beliefs can and do change, it seems to me that they tend to be perfectly matched to our particular needs for learning and growth in the moment. That is, if we need to learn to overcome being a victim, we will hold plenty of beliefs that we are a victim, and have opportunities (challenges) to make new choices and gain new and different experiences as a consequence.

Be here now
Whatever we believe based on cultural, religious or family factors or very personal individual experiences, we can also believe in the power to choose again right now, for the better, for the highest good. That belief in the power to choose and to change creates tremendous freedom. Regardless of what we may have experienced in hypothetical or real past existences, as Ram Das wrote in the sixties, all we can truly do is, "Be here now."

Streamlining Maintenance Activities for Success

I spent much of today cooking, so I won't have to cook much next week. It will simplify my life, allowing more time for things I value during the week. Therefore, I declare today a giant success!

In only a couple of hours, I roasted a 10 pound turkey (from my freezer, bought on special last Thanksgiving), made a huge carrot and raisin salad, cut up celery and cucumber for noshing, and made some of my yummy date treats for healthy desserts and snacks.

To go with tender hot turkey tonight, I roasted slices of sweet potato with paprika, and asparagus with coarse black pepper. The turkey carcass has simmered for a couple of hours, is chilling in my garage since refrigerator space was limited, and tomorrow will be transformed into soup, mostly to be frozen for upcoming weeks.

How can you streamline some of your household tasks such as cooking, shopping or cleaning, so you will be more organized and have more time for study, creative expression and play?

Seven Tips for Releasing Toxic Relationships

Recently, I had conversations with a few people who all wanted to learn how to let go of a toxic relationship.

Here are some clues, some tips, some food for thought, and an invitation to do whatever releasing you do with utmost compassion for yourself! These are strategies I've learned, mostly from personal experience. I've als0 used them with counseling clients quite a few times. These are not easy, but they are effective.

For my readers, here is the lasered version. The key is, these tips work if you work them. They are not overnight cure-alls. Not every tip will work for every person. But if you choose a process that sounds like it fits for you and stick with it for about a month, you are likely to realize good results.

Here is what doesn't work: choose a strategy, do it today and decide it didn't provide a major change so it is worthless. Pick another for the next day and chuck it for the same reasons. Decide I don't know what I'm talking about and continue doing what you've been doing that brings you misery. Depending on whether you are accustomed to inner work with yourself, these may take some practice. If you are dealing with your own mental health issues or have gone through a dramatic or violent relationship, you should consider professional counseling/psychotherapy help.

Note: I highly recommend that you use a short prayer any time you begin a process, asking that it be for the highest good of yourself and all concerned. Personally, I tend to ask for "Light for the highest good with harm to no one." Some people ask for Light for "this or something better" for the highest good. To me, Light means the Light of God, the highest Light you can possibly imagine.

Tips for Releasing a Toxic Relationship
1. Focus on something other than the person you have broken up with or want to break up with, or who broke up with you. Stay busy with positive, productive activities -- exercise, volunteering, studies, chores, work.

2. Give yourself 10 minutes to worry or grieve about this toxic person. Set a timer. Really get into it if you need to. Then stop! Get busy with your life. Your life is for you. Live it!

3. Love yourself. This is an incredibly powerful strategy if you will do it consistently. A wonderful beginning for transforming your relationship with yourself is to do this simple practice daily for five or six weeks. Keep track on a calendar. If you miss a day, start over!

Look in a mirror, into your own eyes, and tell yourself (Your Name), "I love you."

It may not be easy at first. When I first did this, day one and two were ho-hum. Nothing of note happened. But for at least the next week, every unlovable thought about myself popped to the surface and made it hard to say and to believe in that "I love you." After that phase, it got easier and downright delightful.

The reason it is important to stick with this process for several weeks is that you are training your conscious and unconscious mind in a new habit, a new way of thinking about yourself. The unconscious especially likes repetition and routine, and will cooperate more fully when you are really consistent with your new "instructions" to yourself.

4. Do journal writing about what you are learning about yourself and your life from this painful or toxic experience. What do you want or need to do differently? What are the causes or triggers of your involvement in this relationship? How did you get into it? You can trace your way back out the same way you went in.

5. Be a neutral loving observer of your own process. Research at the University of Texas and several other universities is showing that self-compassion is a huge key for resilience and recovery in challenging situations such as ending a relationship. Watch and learn and grow from what it happening. And be very gentle and kind with yourself.

6. Forgive yourself for any self-judgments about your participation in this relationship. Forgive yourself for judging yourself as needing this painful experience in some way. Forgive yourself for judging your "poor" choices and any other self-judgments that spring to mind. This is another extremely powerful tool when you do it. Five minutes before bedtime on a consistent basis could be very helpful. Say your statements of self-forgiveness silently, inwardly, or out loud, or write them in your journal. Watch for the shift in your energy that lets you know you've moved from doing these statements mechanically to really letting the forgiveness in. You start to feel lighter, more clear inside.

7. Learn about co-dependent relationships. If you feel you need to apologize for your own anger toward this person, stop! Look at the pattern or dynamic between you. Do you feel victimized and hurt, then get angry and lash out at the other person? Then you feel a need to rescue him or her and make it all okay again because you are rather desperate for love and approval? Get hold of any of the good books about co-dependent relationships and read. Or try Co-dependents Anonymous to learn to release the mental and emotional habits that keep you trapped in unhealthy relationships.

Bonus Tip:
8. Cut the energy between you. More and more research is showing the power of the mind over the emotions and even over physical healing of the body. Beliefs are amazingly powerful. Here is a simple process using your creative imagination, based on ancient Hawaiian beliefs about the aka cords or energetic connections between people.

Do this one when you are emotionally ready to release the other person. Do it as many times as necessary if the attachment seems to reoccur.

Ask for Light for the highest good for this process, with harm to no one. Vividly imagine (see, feel, or talk to yourself about) a golden cord between you and the person you want to release, usually from the area of your stomach to the area of their stomach. Now imagine a large pair of golden shears in your hand, and cut the cord between you, near your stomach. Take the end still attached to the other person and send it back to them. Now imagine that you are being filled with a beautiful clear Light from the highest heavens, healing and restoring you. Now get up and do something useful in your life!

I hope some of these tips are useful. Feel free to post a comment about how they work for you, or with questions.

All the best to you!

50 Really Useful Things I Learned from Mom

My mother is having a big birthday soon. As I prepared to send her card this morning, I wanted to write a poem or somehow say something special. But when I scratched out my thoughts, the words were too schmaltzy and didn't say what I wanted. So I thought to thank her by listing a few of the many things I learned from her.

A big part of my success as a human being is thanks to my wonderful mother! Plus, I certainly learned about loving while toddling at her side!

1. Respect yourself.
2. Take care of yourself.
3. Have fun.
4. Reading is fun!
5. Life is good.
6. You can be and do anything you really want.
7. Don’t be kissing boys in public.
8. Be nice to everyone.
9. Lock up your valuables.
10. Smile like you mean it, with your eyes.
11. Keep plenty of food on hand.
12. Put things back where you got them.
13. Indulge yourself from time to time.
14. Stay in touch with your family.
15. Maple syrup and pecans on vanilla ice cream are yummy!
16. Keep on loving in spite of disappointments and hurts.
17. Be proud of your good work.
18. Baking soda in water settles the tummy.
19. Laugh a lot, life is funny!
20. Back rubs are fabulous!
21. If you don’t understand, ask.
22. Choose good people for friends.
23. Think ahead and be prepared.
24. Check toilet seats before you sit.
25. How to tell a good story.
26. Play fair.
27. Help is available, just ask.
28. Be creative.
29. Help each other.
30. Bargains are better.
31. Let people grow in their own way.
32. Brush your teeth and bathe.
33. Tell the truth, except about ugly hats.
34. Fold up a clean sheet of paper and make a budget.
35. Save some money.
36. Make your bed every day.
37. Hold onto your purse and your keys.
38. How to cook a pecan pie.
39. Always do your best.
40. A little of this and a little of that can be good, but sometimes you need to follow the recipe!
41. It’s okay to get mad, then get over it.
42. Always wear clean undies.
43. Work hard and save some money.
44. Be gracious when your partner misbids.
45. A lousy experience makes a funny story!
46. Clean up after yourself.
47. Stay out of bad places.
48. Use coupons and buy loss leaders.
49. Be true to yourself.
50. A wonderful mother is the best gift. You’re it!

Meditation Changes Your Brain for the Better

This is a postscript to our discussion of meditation in class.

Here is a newsletter article from Lynn McTaggart, who has written several books about the latest research on brain-mind connections. This article is about how practices of memorizing and of meditation create very positive physical changes in the brain.

http://www.lynnemctaggart.com/blog/160-change-brains-not-minds

Remember, you don't have to empty your mind of all thoughts in order to meditate. Simply focus on your breathing, a positive word or phrase of your choice, and let yourself move into the peace within. If thoughts are present, just let them be there and keep focusing on your breath or the sound you have chosen. If you are off entirely on thoughts, gently bring your awareness back to your breath or the sound. Enjoy the process. Start with just a few minutes and gradually increase your meditation time to suit your needs and schedule.

Have a terrific, calm and peaceful day!
Dr. Marrin

Still on the subject of overcoming procrastination, here is a link from Psychology Today
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200308/procrastination-ten-things-know
to a good article on procrastination -- why you do it and how it is harming you.

And here is a link to an in-depth article from Cal-Poly designed specifically to help students overcome procrastination: http://sas.calpoly.edu/asc/ssl/procrastination.html

I thought the Psychology Today article was especially telling when it indicated that procrastination can be a rebellion against a very authoritarian, strict parent.

Let me know if you find some useful ideas in these articles. Dr. Marrin

Get in Gear by Starting Your Project Now

Here's another way to tackle overcoming procrastination. I learned this one from a brilliant man named Wally Minto, back in 1980 or so. He taught Alpha Awareness Training, to help people gain attunement with their natural intuition.

If you are a person who has lots of projects underway, and jumps from one to the other without finishing them, it can look like procrastination. A key that Wally shared is this: You are good at starting things. Starting things makes you happy. So when you have a project underway, talk to yourself about starting to work on it now. Vividly imagine starting your project right now. Get excited about starting on it!

Example: You made a brave start on research for your term paper soon after it was assigned. But your notes are just sitting there and you have no energy for finishing the task even though the deadline is next week.

Don't focus on finishing. Focus on your project like this:

I get to start working on my research paper now! I'll start the next piece of it, now! Do as much as you feel like doing, as long as that energy lasts.

Later, come back to it and start again. Do another chunk with renewed energy. Come back as many times as needed and START working on your paper. Pretty soon you'll be starting the ending and it will be complete.

Hope this is helpful to a few of you.
Many blessings, Dr. Marrin

Overcoming Procrastination

I just read all the getting acquainted mini-essays from my students this term. The number one issue reported by an amazing number of students is procrastination.

It was an issue for me when I was a student. I'd have a paper to write and -- in my first year of college -- would sit up all night before it was due, typing frantically, making it up as I went along. By my junior and senior year, I'd learned to pace myself and get started earlier.

But even in grad school, many maturing years later, if I had a big paper due, I would suddenly get a compulsion to scrub my kitchen floor on hands and knees, or to thoroughly clean the fridge and freezer! Looking back, perhaps this was a way to build my active energy to get started on the paper. I certainly built a level of angst, enough to get me mobilized at last.

Here's a true story they I often share with students when this subject comes up in class. Years ago I wanted to incorporate a non-profit organization and I was referred to a young lawyer named David for the pro bono work. He met with me, gathered the information he needed, and promised to get back with me soon. Based on previous experience with lawyers, I had no idea when that would be. But by the end of that week, he came looking for my signature and my little organization was in business.

I commented on his promptness. David then explained that he used to have a terrible problem with procrastination. It got him trouble in college, in law school, and then with judges who were highly annoyed when he missed court deadlines. But, he said, he changed his life with three words.

I eagerly asked his magic secret.

"Do it now," he said. He told himself these words thousands of times daily for a quite a while. After a bit, he started moving his body to do the things that needed to be done. By the time I met him, he was a successful young attorney, someone that people would point to as a guy who would not mess around, but would get good work done on time.

Since sharing this bit of my history with students, I've had a few each semester who come back to me and say this approach really helped them.

It's one of those things that works if you work it. If you just read it and say, "Sounds good," nothing happens. If you start creating new neuron connections in your brain by repeating the instructions to "Do it now," and then you start moving your body (even your eyes over the written words of your assignments) you will quite likely find yourself making the changes you want to make.

If you're a procrastinator, what do you have to lose? Have fun with these three little words. Use them like a mantra for the next month, any time you're doing simple chores, walking, chilling on the couch, sitting in the bathroom -- any time that your mind doesn't have to be actively engaged with talking, thinking, problem-solving -- and see what happens in your life!

Creative Study Tips

Today I met with a few students to figure out ways they could improve study skills. Here are some of the suggestions I made. These tips are specific to unique learning needs and go beyond the standard approach of read, take notes, recite and review. They are creative ways to make life as student more successful and less stressful! If you need to spiff up your approach to study, experiment with any strategies here that appeal to you.

For the Hands-On Learner
For the person who considers herself a very "hands-on" learner and has a hard time with abstract concepts, I said find an example of the idea and then imagine it very vividly. Make it as real in your imagination as if you were experiencing it in your life. For instance, if you are learning about ADHD, imagine what it would be like to have your mind racing in high gear all the time, to feel fidgety, to keep switching from one task to another, to do many things at once, and to feel irritable and edgy because no one understands why you can't sit still. See if you can imagine yourself in the skin of someone with all the symptoms you are reading about. Think of people you know who might have a diagnosis of ADHD and reflect on how their behavior fits with what you are reading. Does this match with what you imagined?

For the Sleep-Deprived
One student works a night shift and doesn't get enough good sleep, so tends to drift off every time she sits to read the textbook. I suggested she stand up to read her text. Put a box on a counter to lift the text to a convenient reading height, and make notes in a notebook or on index cards. Read for ten minutes, take a break and do a simple chore or just stretch and move for a minute or two. Then read and take notes for ten more minutes. Take a longer break when needed, but keep coming back to the text for more short reading sessions.

Zoning in on Key Words
One student had overwhelmed herself trying to memorize the entire definition of each new term highlighted in the text. I told her to figure out the key words in the definition and only highlight or take notes on those. In addition, write down a brief example that illustrates the idea, in her notebook or on flash cards.

Looking up Unknown Words
A number of students were skipping over words they didn't really understand, trying to make sense of the text in a general way. I strongly suggested using a dictionary to clarify. It will take more time at first, but they will quickly enrich their vocabularies and find studying gets easier. Not to mention, they will actually understand what they are studying!

Supplementing the Text
Another student wanted more interactive learning tools but didn't want to spring for the fee for materials available with our textbook. For him, searching on-line for a video related to his interesting or puzzling topic could be useful. For instance, curious about biological clocks and circadian rhythms, he could Google "video circadian rhythms," or "psychology video biological clocks."

Hope these tips are helpful. Good luck with your classes!

Frugal Times Tips

Usually when I'm washing dishes, I think of living skills I'd love to share with my students as they struggle to make ends meet financially, but these tidbits don't fit neatly in the boundaries of a psychology class!

We lived for a while in the beautiful state of Vermont where Yankee thrift is a virtue. An old New England saying is, "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Along those lines . . .

Plastic Tubes and Squeeze Bottles
Did you know that plastic squeeze bottles -- anything from mustard to toiletries -- may be convenient but can rip you off? If you throw them out when you can't squeeze any more goo, you may be losing as much as ten percent of your purchase. Of course, the manufacturer is happy because you'll be buying a replacement!

Instead, use sturdy scissors or a serrated knife to cut the tube or bottle in half. Scoop out the remaining mustard or ketchup for your recipe. With tubes of moisturizers, you may find another week's worth of product clinging to the sides. With clean fingers, scoop what you need and put one cut end of the tube over the other, forming a cap to keep the rest clean until you use it up.

Found Money
Go through your house room by room, drawer by drawer, on a money search. You may find odd change and bills tucked in random pockets, boxes, books, etc. Also round up items you meant to return for a refund, bottles to recycle for cash, etc. Go get your money back on these things. In the search process, are you finding items you could sell on Craig's List or at a garage sale? Get busy! Now do something smart or fun with your stash of cash! Save it for your favorite goal, buy groceries, or treat yourself to something special.

Tightwad Gazette
For the homemaker who wants to be smartly frugal, I highly recommend Amy Dacyzn's three book series, The Tightwad Gazette. She published a newsletter in the early nineties, before email was big, and compiled her own ideas and many reader responses into the books, which are a treasure trove of helpful ideas for saving. Even though I don't have children, I got inspired to adapt and try a number of her ideas. Get these books at your local library or invest in used ones from Amazon.com. You'll never think of frugality as a dreaded necessity again!

Overcoming Student Discouragement

Tonight I've been puzzling over how best to help my students (Introduction to Psychology) learn more effectively. At this point, almost everyone in my class seems to want to do well, but many are not well prepared for college level work. They sincerely want to improve their lives via a college education, and it is a shock when they get test grades in my class.

As in any group, there are unique versions of needs for study skill improvement. Some students have been laid off in the downturned economy and are aiming to change careers. Some struggle to understand abstract concepts. Some don't grasp all the vocabulary and are not accustomed to grabbing a dictionary for help. Some procrastinate. Some work and raise families and have little time for study. Some tell me they need hands on learning activities. Many are of the first generation in their families to attend college. Others are immigrants struggling with English as a second language. In this class, I have one tenth grader and a few middled aged adults as well as a group of traditional college-age students.

My message today as I went over the grading procedure in more detail was, "Don't give up. Hang in there and attendance and the term paper will likely help to pull test scores up for the final average."

If you stick with this class, show up and do the work to the best of your ability, you are likely to surprise yourself with results. My philosophy is that test scores are not the only way to measure learning. Participation, self-reflection papers and the self-nurturing project/critical thinking term paper are all ways to demonstrate learning of many of the principles we are studying -- in a more hands on way.

Your persistence will pay off in other ways. You'll work hard in this class, but you will apply the learning to your own life. You'll discover the value of choosing education as a priority and letting go of some other activities so you can dig in and do the learning. You may actually find your own best new methods of studying. You will internalize ideas that will serve you for a lifetime, helping you to understand yourself and others.

Keep turning the pages, keep making notes. Stay awake in class. Be present physically and mentally. Ask questions. Take care of yourself. Use everything for your learning and growth!