Ask Dr. Ilenya about Skills for Coping with Stress

Hi Dr. Ilenya,

Your request could not have come at a better time
for me. I would be honored if you chose to use it
on your blog. My question is this:

I am a single mother of two wonderful children,
ages 5 and 7. Over the last year, I have looked
inward for some very deep soul searching, learning
just who I am, and what I want out of life. I have
never been more contented and happy in my
entire life!

I have recently taken the leap of faith and become
100% self-employed, after a career as an office
administrator. Before this, I worked at my business
in my “spare time”, with many late nights, groggy
mornings, too much coffee, not enough good food,
and I hate to admit, a lot of cranky days… My
business is my passion; I love everything that I do!

There could not have been a better time to make
this transition. In the three years since my divorce,
I have been taking a wonderful journey in learning
how to create exactly the future I want. However,
I do not deal with stress so well. I know that I will
experience some rocky spots along the way, so I
was wondering what are some skills I could focus
on during times of stress?

Thank you,
Marie

http://www.bonsaifaery.com/
..delight your skin and senses..
100% pure & natural soaps & body products

Hi, Marie,
Thanks for your question. I might have answered
this one sooner, but I was traveling and speaking for two
weeks and it's been a slow "re-entry" getting back
to my usual routine.

First, big congratulations for doing all your inner
work on learning who you are and what you want
out of life. I can think of nothing more rewarding if
you aim for a life of joy, loving and fulfillment!

And kudos for starting your own business that you
love! To me, the stresses of running your own
business are much more fun than those that come
with being an employee somewhere else!

You don't say specifically what stressors you deal
with, or what you experience under stress, so these
comments will be pretty general.

First, if you haven't already, check out my articles
on stress and divorce for a few ideas in case dealing
with your ex should ever be stressful.
www.powerofpersonalpeace.com/articles/divstress.htm.

In keeping with your inner explorations, you might
want to begin some form of meditation or contemplation
on a regular basis. When you do this consistently,
day in and day out, it has a very calming effect on your
outlook overall and you have a huge inner reservoir of
peace from which to draw in a time of crisis.

I wouldn't wait for a time of stress to learn meditation.
Begin now and be prepared for the ups and downs of
life with greater inner resilience. For starters, check out
my articles on meditation at
www.powerofpersonalpeace.com/articles/medhints1.htm.

Practice being a Neutral Loving Observer of your life,
a skill I discovered during my doctoral research. I talk
about this in my e-books, but the very short version is
to observe yourself in action almost as if you were visiting
from another planet. You're a loving, caring, interested,
curious observer of this person called Marie and all that
goes on in her life. You can accept all the dilemmas and
challenges as a part of life. You don't judge or criticize. You
simply observe, notice, or see with clarity of vision.

Being the Neutral Loving Observer allows you a
wonderfully broad perspective free of self-judgment and
guilt. It gives you enormous freedom during times of
stress and challenge and during the crossroads of life
when you want to make wise decisions. In a sense,
it's an "active meditation" process, providing another
good habitual attitude and a profound resource you
can access during challenging times.

Beyond these basic suggestions for skills, you might
focus on building resilience as a multi-dimensional
human. In other words, build in good habits of physical
exercise and nutrition, positive thought (which will impact
how you feel on a daily basis), and spiritual practices that
match your faith and lifestyle.

Cultivate openness to learning and growing every day.
Then instead of being rigid, set in your ways and brittle,
you'll be strong in knowing yourself yet able to change
and adapt regardless of the challenges. You'll use stress
as the impetus to learn, grow and develop positive
solutions.

Let me know if these comments are helpful, and my very
best wishes for your success in life and in business.

Joy and Peace,
Dr. Ilenya


http://www.powerofpersonalpeace.com
Dr.Ilenya@PowerofPersonalPeace.com

Copyright 2005 Ilenya Marrin, Power Of Personal Peace.
73 Prim Road #115
Colchester, VT 05446
Phone: 802-658-2921