Loving Your Success Tool: Setting Boundaries

Sometimes when we are caring for others, we simply forget to take care of ourselves. Loving yourself into success includes a heaping portion of taking care of yourself!

Earlier today I was emailing with a friend who is a beautiful and loving minister. She recently spent a whole day ministering to a dear friend of hers, physically assisting that person in many loving ways. And she commented that the next day she was so worn out she needed to rest and sleep much of the day. Her usual plans went by the board.

I emailed to her, "What did you learn after spending all day ministering to your friend and being totally wiped out the next day? I think maybe now it will be easier to set some limits/boundaries and take care of yourself."

And I threw in some suggestions for things she could say next time someone makes a request for her valuable time.

Like, "I'd love to come and assist and I can be there for about two hours, from this time to this time. Would that work for you?"

What if someone says, "Can't you stay all day like you did before?"

Have a list of three or four responses all planned to choose from -- to say "No," with loving and compassion for yourself as well as them.

For instance, "I'd love to but I find I'm needing to take better care of myself these days. I need to monitor my energy and be sure I'm only giving from my overflow."

Or "I've been getting loud and clear inner messages to take better care of myself and I need to watch carefully not to overtax my system, so unfortunately, I need to stick to shorter times of service these days."

Or "I'd love to but I have an important project to finish," etc.

My friend, the giving minister, wrote back saying my sample responses really helped. (I think she just needed a reminder that it's okay to take care of herself!) She said she'd been starting to "put up walls" as a defense, because she felt she had no boundaries, and she was needing to protect herself from giving too much for her own well-being.

About my sample responses, she said, "That frees it up inside to say, I can still do it, but with boundaries on it so I can take better care of myself."

I thought you might be inspired by this authentic moment from my day today, and you can easily apply similar responses in the places in your life where you've been depleting yourself. When you set some boundaries, you can truly take care of yourself and give from your overflow of energy and well-being.

Loving, peace and lots of success to you,
Dr. Ilenya