50 Really Useful Things I Learned from Mom

My mother is having a big birthday soon. As I prepared to send her card this morning, I wanted to write a poem or somehow say something special. But when I scratched out my thoughts, the words were too schmaltzy and didn't say what I wanted. So I thought to thank her by listing a few of the many things I learned from her.

A big part of my success as a human being is thanks to my wonderful mother! Plus, I certainly learned about loving while toddling at her side!

1. Respect yourself.
2. Take care of yourself.
3. Have fun.
4. Reading is fun!
5. Life is good.
6. You can be and do anything you really want.
7. Don’t be kissing boys in public.
8. Be nice to everyone.
9. Lock up your valuables.
10. Smile like you mean it, with your eyes.
11. Keep plenty of food on hand.
12. Put things back where you got them.
13. Indulge yourself from time to time.
14. Stay in touch with your family.
15. Maple syrup and pecans on vanilla ice cream are yummy!
16. Keep on loving in spite of disappointments and hurts.
17. Be proud of your good work.
18. Baking soda in water settles the tummy.
19. Laugh a lot, life is funny!
20. Back rubs are fabulous!
21. If you don’t understand, ask.
22. Choose good people for friends.
23. Think ahead and be prepared.
24. Check toilet seats before you sit.
25. How to tell a good story.
26. Play fair.
27. Help is available, just ask.
28. Be creative.
29. Help each other.
30. Bargains are better.
31. Let people grow in their own way.
32. Brush your teeth and bathe.
33. Tell the truth, except about ugly hats.
34. Fold up a clean sheet of paper and make a budget.
35. Save some money.
36. Make your bed every day.
37. Hold onto your purse and your keys.
38. How to cook a pecan pie.
39. Always do your best.
40. A little of this and a little of that can be good, but sometimes you need to follow the recipe!
41. It’s okay to get mad, then get over it.
42. Always wear clean undies.
43. Work hard and save some money.
44. Be gracious when your partner misbids.
45. A lousy experience makes a funny story!
46. Clean up after yourself.
47. Stay out of bad places.
48. Use coupons and buy loss leaders.
49. Be true to yourself.
50. A wonderful mother is the best gift. You’re it!

Overcoming Student Discouragement

Tonight I've been puzzling over how best to help my students (Introduction to Psychology) learn more effectively. At this point, almost everyone in my class seems to want to do well, but many are not well prepared for college level work. They sincerely want to improve their lives via a college education, and it is a shock when they get test grades in my class.

As in any group, there are unique versions of needs for study skill improvement. Some students have been laid off in the downturned economy and are aiming to change careers. Some struggle to understand abstract concepts. Some don't grasp all the vocabulary and are not accustomed to grabbing a dictionary for help. Some procrastinate. Some work and raise families and have little time for study. Some tell me they need hands on learning activities. Many are of the first generation in their families to attend college. Others are immigrants struggling with English as a second language. In this class, I have one tenth grader and a few middled aged adults as well as a group of traditional college-age students.

My message today as I went over the grading procedure in more detail was, "Don't give up. Hang in there and attendance and the term paper will likely help to pull test scores up for the final average."

If you stick with this class, show up and do the work to the best of your ability, you are likely to surprise yourself with results. My philosophy is that test scores are not the only way to measure learning. Participation, self-reflection papers and the self-nurturing project/critical thinking term paper are all ways to demonstrate learning of many of the principles we are studying -- in a more hands on way.

Your persistence will pay off in other ways. You'll work hard in this class, but you will apply the learning to your own life. You'll discover the value of choosing education as a priority and letting go of some other activities so you can dig in and do the learning. You may actually find your own best new methods of studying. You will internalize ideas that will serve you for a lifetime, helping you to understand yourself and others.

Keep turning the pages, keep making notes. Stay awake in class. Be present physically and mentally. Ask questions. Take care of yourself. Use everything for your learning and growth!

What Tickles Me Today

Wanting to do something and sitting down to do it are two different things . . . especially when it comes to my updating this blog! My teaching semester is winding down. I am not quite "in my body" because of a minor car accident today -- sliding on the ice! -- and couldn't think of anything upbeat to write about. Here we go . . . I'm grateful to the telephone pole that stopped me from sliding right out into traffic on Telegraph Road!



Checking email, I discovered I now have eight active accounts! Plus Facebook and a couple of other networking sites I seldom use. This tickles me. For someone who with great trepidation purchased her first (very primitive) word processor from Montgomery Wards in 1987 or so, I'm now really involved with technology. So much change in 23 years! I also updated my cell phone, only because the dinosaur died, to a new Blackberry and I have hopes of learning to use more of its features and adding apps. Whoo-hoo! My younger readers may not appreciate this, but it is a big deal.



Something else that has changed in the past 23 years is me! In the last two weeks, I've had students guess my age at 25 years younger than reality, and I giggled all day. Today a kind young service station manager described me to an equally kind police sergeant as "an older lady," and convinced the busy officer to take my accident report, so I don't have to make a special trip to the local police station. It's all relative! I'm grateful to be seen as younger, and to be seen as older. Amazing.



Another ordinary moment of note: I got a Christmas card from a cousin, including a couple of journal notes, memoirs about his childhood and parents. I was astonished to learn that he spent his first seven years with a grandmother and only met his parents when his grandmother was too ill to care for him. I find myself warming with affection that this 60-plus gentleman would bother to share his recollections this way.



My students continue to amaze me. Each one gives me glimpses of a special life story. Many have dramatic stories unfolding even as they are striving to study and pass exams.



One student confided about being accused of a crime he swears he didn't commit. Another had major surgery but was back in class three weeks later. Several are diagnosed with ADD or ADHD and struggle to concentrate, and with whether or not to use their prescriptions to help focus. One was unexpectedly served divorce papers a week before finals. In the last two years, students have confided about their dreadful war experiences (shooting and being shot or bombed), rape, history of sexual abuse, family suicides, family murders, fire that killed an entire family, and domestic violence. Others struggle with depression, bipolar disorder, general anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive compulsive disorder, and social phobias such as extreme shyness and even schizophrenia. Some are veterans of recent wars, and some would protest any wars. At one college, my students are a marvelous mix of Arabic, African American, Chinese, Mexican-American, Phillipino, French, Canadian and Anglo-American. Many are young, including a few high-school students doing advanced placement classes, and some are middle-aged or entering retirement years. Very few could fit the stereotype of a typical 18-23 year old middle-class college student.



I am grateful to touch their lives for a few months, to share my perspective on life along with a broad overview of contemporary psychology. I am grateful that we laugh a lot in my classes, and that in spite of their personal challenges, the students keep coming back, always wanting to learn.



When I began consistent college teaching (in contrast to teaching professional working adults), I felt frustrated that today's students "can't read, can't write," and don't seem to learn the same way my contemporaries and I learned. Now, I've come to think that perhaps our changing world is creating a need for a new breed of learners. Maybe today's students don't really need to learn masses of information, and don't need to master the same old ideas. Instead, maybe they need to know how to find information, recognize when it is accurate and useful, and how to experiment and adapt within a world that keeps leapfrogging into unexpected futures.



I work daily to adjust to my own challenges, and I'm grateful to my students for teaching me a gazillion new ways to keep going in spite of the obstacles in life. I'm privileged to be a neutral compassionate observer of their process of forging new pathways to self-discovery and success.

That tickles me too.

Until next time . . .