Streamlining Maintenance Activities for Success

I spent much of today cooking, so I won't have to cook much next week. It will simplify my life, allowing more time for things I value during the week. Therefore, I declare today a giant success!

In only a couple of hours, I roasted a 10 pound turkey (from my freezer, bought on special last Thanksgiving), made a huge carrot and raisin salad, cut up celery and cucumber for noshing, and made some of my yummy date treats for healthy desserts and snacks.

To go with tender hot turkey tonight, I roasted slices of sweet potato with paprika, and asparagus with coarse black pepper. The turkey carcass has simmered for a couple of hours, is chilling in my garage since refrigerator space was limited, and tomorrow will be transformed into soup, mostly to be frozen for upcoming weeks.

How can you streamline some of your household tasks such as cooking, shopping or cleaning, so you will be more organized and have more time for study, creative expression and play?

50 Really Useful Things I Learned from Mom

My mother is having a big birthday soon. As I prepared to send her card this morning, I wanted to write a poem or somehow say something special. But when I scratched out my thoughts, the words were too schmaltzy and didn't say what I wanted. So I thought to thank her by listing a few of the many things I learned from her.

A big part of my success as a human being is thanks to my wonderful mother! Plus, I certainly learned about loving while toddling at her side!

1. Respect yourself.
2. Take care of yourself.
3. Have fun.
4. Reading is fun!
5. Life is good.
6. You can be and do anything you really want.
7. Don’t be kissing boys in public.
8. Be nice to everyone.
9. Lock up your valuables.
10. Smile like you mean it, with your eyes.
11. Keep plenty of food on hand.
12. Put things back where you got them.
13. Indulge yourself from time to time.
14. Stay in touch with your family.
15. Maple syrup and pecans on vanilla ice cream are yummy!
16. Keep on loving in spite of disappointments and hurts.
17. Be proud of your good work.
18. Baking soda in water settles the tummy.
19. Laugh a lot, life is funny!
20. Back rubs are fabulous!
21. If you don’t understand, ask.
22. Choose good people for friends.
23. Think ahead and be prepared.
24. Check toilet seats before you sit.
25. How to tell a good story.
26. Play fair.
27. Help is available, just ask.
28. Be creative.
29. Help each other.
30. Bargains are better.
31. Let people grow in their own way.
32. Brush your teeth and bathe.
33. Tell the truth, except about ugly hats.
34. Fold up a clean sheet of paper and make a budget.
35. Save some money.
36. Make your bed every day.
37. Hold onto your purse and your keys.
38. How to cook a pecan pie.
39. Always do your best.
40. A little of this and a little of that can be good, but sometimes you need to follow the recipe!
41. It’s okay to get mad, then get over it.
42. Always wear clean undies.
43. Work hard and save some money.
44. Be gracious when your partner misbids.
45. A lousy experience makes a funny story!
46. Clean up after yourself.
47. Stay out of bad places.
48. Use coupons and buy loss leaders.
49. Be true to yourself.
50. A wonderful mother is the best gift. You’re it!

Success is Nice

Yes, success is very nice. When you succeed, when you accomplish what you set out to do, the feeling of pride and completion can warm you from the inside out like nothing else.

In order to succeed, most people find it helpful to be nice along the way. I don't mean namby-pamby, wimpy, sweet nice. I mean courteouos and kind to those you encounter. Whether it's in the parking lot, in a classroom, on the job, or with your family, old-fashion manners go a long way toward creating the aura of success that makes people respect and take you seriously.

Look at this way. Someone who is consistently successful can afford to take the time and thought to be courteous and kind. Act the part until it is second nature for you, and speed your journey to success.

My students will remember the short video on inattentional blindness that we watched in class. ( Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ahg6qcgoay4 to see it again.)

A big inference from that experience is that what you are looking for is what you will see.

Therefore, why not focus on the success already present in yourself? Begin now to seek out and pay attention to the successful person already lurking inside! Start to think, speak and act like a successful person.

One very simple way to do that is to reclaim the courtesies you were most likely taught as a kid.

This could be as simple as raising your hand to speak in a dynamic conversation in a college class. It could be putting cell phones away, out of sight and vibration sound, so as not to disturb your classmates and instructor when you are tempted to do a quick text response. It could be not smoking except in designated smoking areas on campus, and putting cigarette butts into a trash receptacle. Nothing heroic. Just acting like someone who can afford to be civilized because you are already a success!

I'll leave you with this thought from Aristotle: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit."

Welcoming Me Back

This will be short and sweet.

After a long hiatus, I'm experimenting with reactivating this blog.

It's still about loving your success, living with less stress and more self-nurturing and self-compassion.

I'm expecting some of my psychology students to post questions. Questions should be authentic, looking for clarification on issues related to success with less stress, in most any arena of life. I will decide whether questions or other postings are appropriate to keep on this site. This is a pilot project at the moment and we'll see how it develops. I'll look forward to your questions and comments.

Sucess: 15 Ways to Observe Your Procrastination

Hello again!

Success for me today is being adaptable!

I've been without my lovely laptop for a couple of days --
it is in for some major repair work! I finally got set up
again on my old faithful desktop system, so I'm back in action!

Today's question is from Mr. Ghanshyam Kulkarni
from Mumbai, India. My thanks to him and he is getting
a free copy of my e-book, 77 Loving Steps for Success.

"If things are done in time they have their own beauty and
importance. But every time it is not possible for me. Am I
lacking in some planning or some thing else?"

Dear Mr. Kulkarni,

Today, I may not give 1-2-3 steps for how to overcome
procrastination. I sense that there is something else at play
in your question and I am going to share some musings
and ramble a bit with my thoughts.

I like your statement about things done in time having their
own beauty and importance.

One question to ask with that, though, is "Whose time?"

Is it according to deadlines at work?
Or your own planning?
Or an artificial standard that says you "should" complete
something by a certain time?
Or are we talking about "God's time," the perfect timing that
is beyond the little will of our personality and the "shoulds"
of society?

Typical Success through Accomplishment
You can do a great deal through planning and taking action
steps toward completion of your tasks and goals. When you
don't plan, don't write down goals, and fail to take the needed
actions, you tend to judge yourself as lazy or procrastinating.

Judging merely compounds the problem. Then, in addition to
not getting the thing done or the goal accomplished, you are
beating yourself unmercifully, adding self-punishment and
misery to your burden.

Stop that! Forgive yourself, immediately and in depth!

If you are on track with most of your tasks, getting things done
in a timely manner, you're doing quite well! If there are certain
areas where you drag your feet and resist doing the thing you
think should be done, look for clues for how you are holding
yourself back.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the area where
you are delaying, resisting or not acting. You will need to be
ruthlessly honest in answering yourself. Listen to your feelings
as well as your logic and reason.

These questions can help you gain new awareness or insight
regarding your situation. In that expanded awareness, you
have more options and choices.

You might end up deciding that a particular goal is something
you don't want after all.

Or you might come to understand that you are not acting because
in a larger sense you are intuitively cooperating with a Divine plan.

Careful and honest reflection will yield the understanding
you need for each personal situation.

1. Do I have an inner conflict about this area?
2. Do I doubt my ability to succeed in this area?
3. Is this a goal I really want for myself? Or do I want it only
   because someone else (parent, spouse, authority figure) says I
   should do it?
4. Is this something I used to want but it no longer fits in my life?
5. Am I worried about or afraid of the results if I move toward this goal?
6. Is delaying part of my intuitive and wise process of self-protection?
   Or is delaying postponing an inevitable confrontation that I dread?
7. Are there truly forces beyond my control influencing my choices?
8. Am I demanding perfection against myself, expecting unrealistic
   accomplishments?
9. If I chose to take action today what would I do?
10. What specifically stops me from doing that?
11. What are the consequences if I delay?
12. Can I live happily with these consequences?
13. Do I see unhappy consequences either way I choose?
14. If so, what are two or three more possible choices I can
    consider in this situation?
15. Considering myself and anyone else involved, what would be
    the most loving choice in this situation?

Please note that none of these questions ask, "Am I procrastinating?"
That is not a helpful question. If you say, "I'm procrastinating,"
you are probably judging yourself. If you say, "I'm not procrastinating,"
you still need to ask yourself questions like the ones above to gain
clarity on what's going on.

The loving approach to this issue is become the Neutral Loving Observer,
to look for clarity and understanding, and to choose again according to
what is truest, highest and best for you and anyone else involved. Then
you can act with freedom and enthusiasm, or you can let the thing go,
already dead of inaction. Being in alignment with yourself is your
new level of success.

Blessings of joy and peace,

Dr. Ilenya