Sucess: 15 Ways to Observe Your Procrastination

Hello again!

Success for me today is being adaptable!

I've been without my lovely laptop for a couple of days --
it is in for some major repair work! I finally got set up
again on my old faithful desktop system, so I'm back in action!

Today's question is from Mr. Ghanshyam Kulkarni
from Mumbai, India. My thanks to him and he is getting
a free copy of my e-book, 77 Loving Steps for Success.

"If things are done in time they have their own beauty and
importance. But every time it is not possible for me. Am I
lacking in some planning or some thing else?"

Dear Mr. Kulkarni,

Today, I may not give 1-2-3 steps for how to overcome
procrastination. I sense that there is something else at play
in your question and I am going to share some musings
and ramble a bit with my thoughts.

I like your statement about things done in time having their
own beauty and importance.

One question to ask with that, though, is "Whose time?"

Is it according to deadlines at work?
Or your own planning?
Or an artificial standard that says you "should" complete
something by a certain time?
Or are we talking about "God's time," the perfect timing that
is beyond the little will of our personality and the "shoulds"
of society?

Typical Success through Accomplishment
You can do a great deal through planning and taking action
steps toward completion of your tasks and goals. When you
don't plan, don't write down goals, and fail to take the needed
actions, you tend to judge yourself as lazy or procrastinating.

Judging merely compounds the problem. Then, in addition to
not getting the thing done or the goal accomplished, you are
beating yourself unmercifully, adding self-punishment and
misery to your burden.

Stop that! Forgive yourself, immediately and in depth!

If you are on track with most of your tasks, getting things done
in a timely manner, you're doing quite well! If there are certain
areas where you drag your feet and resist doing the thing you
think should be done, look for clues for how you are holding
yourself back.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the area where
you are delaying, resisting or not acting. You will need to be
ruthlessly honest in answering yourself. Listen to your feelings
as well as your logic and reason.

These questions can help you gain new awareness or insight
regarding your situation. In that expanded awareness, you
have more options and choices.

You might end up deciding that a particular goal is something
you don't want after all.

Or you might come to understand that you are not acting because
in a larger sense you are intuitively cooperating with a Divine plan.

Careful and honest reflection will yield the understanding
you need for each personal situation.

1. Do I have an inner conflict about this area?
2. Do I doubt my ability to succeed in this area?
3. Is this a goal I really want for myself? Or do I want it only
   because someone else (parent, spouse, authority figure) says I
   should do it?
4. Is this something I used to want but it no longer fits in my life?
5. Am I worried about or afraid of the results if I move toward this goal?
6. Is delaying part of my intuitive and wise process of self-protection?
   Or is delaying postponing an inevitable confrontation that I dread?
7. Are there truly forces beyond my control influencing my choices?
8. Am I demanding perfection against myself, expecting unrealistic
   accomplishments?
9. If I chose to take action today what would I do?
10. What specifically stops me from doing that?
11. What are the consequences if I delay?
12. Can I live happily with these consequences?
13. Do I see unhappy consequences either way I choose?
14. If so, what are two or three more possible choices I can
    consider in this situation?
15. Considering myself and anyone else involved, what would be
    the most loving choice in this situation?

Please note that none of these questions ask, "Am I procrastinating?"
That is not a helpful question. If you say, "I'm procrastinating,"
you are probably judging yourself. If you say, "I'm not procrastinating,"
you still need to ask yourself questions like the ones above to gain
clarity on what's going on.

The loving approach to this issue is become the Neutral Loving Observer,
to look for clarity and understanding, and to choose again according to
what is truest, highest and best for you and anyone else involved. Then
you can act with freedom and enthusiasm, or you can let the thing go,
already dead of inaction. Being in alignment with yourself is your
new level of success.

Blessings of joy and peace,

Dr. Ilenya

Ask Dr. Ilenya: Eight Tips for Immediate Stress Relief

Here is one more query from Mr. Atta Yaw, and
my thanks for his excellent questions.

"When one sees signs of stress, such as sudden sweats
on forehead, what should be done to get immediate relief?"

When this happens, you might be feeling quite anxious or
panicky. This is a time to be gentle with yourself.
Treat yourself with great loving kindness.

Eight Tips for Immediate Stress Relief

Choose a few of these tips to practice when you
are calm, so you will be ready the next time you
suddenly feel anxious or deeply worried.

1. Breathe gently, slowly and deeply.

2. Walk away from the stressful situation if possible.

3. Talk lovingly to yourself silently, inwardly, saying
positive things like, "Relax. I can handle this. I can get
through this. There is a solution." Immediately picture
yourself as happy and successful in this situation. See yourself
relaxed and handling things calmly, confidently.

4. Ask yourself, "What is it that I need to learn from
this situation?" Instead of focusing on worry or concern,
become a neutral loving observer of what is happening,
and focus on what you can learn right now.

4. Send love to yourself. Put your hand on your stomach,
either a little above or below your belly button, wherever you
feel tension, and tell yourself silently, "God bless you, I love you,
Peace be still." Repeat this over and over silently until you relax.

5. Get a glass of water and sip it slowly.

6. Go for a short walk to help to release the nervous
tension of stress or anxiety.

7. Get busy doing something productive, like chores
or your next piece of business. This will help take your focus
off the problem and help you get relaxed and balanced again.

8. Pray. If you are a religious person, you might say a short
prayer asking for God's help. Or just remind yourself,
"God loves me. I have the strength and courage to get
through this now."

The next four tips are for understanding and
prevention of further stress or anxiety attacks.

9. Make a mental note of exactly what seemed to trigger
your burst of anxiety. Write about it later in your journal,
looking logically at your response and putting your stress into
realistic perspective. Understanding and awareness can
create quick balancing and healing!

10. Practice relaxing. As a preventive measure,
while you are not stressed, practice telling yourself positive
statements such as, "I am relaxing now," and actually practice
relaxing your muscles throughout your body. Get the feeling
of relaxing, so when you do face stress, you can tell yourself,
"I am relaxing now," and you will know how to do that.

11. Practice meditating. Again, for prevention, practice
a simple meditation every day. You will learn to relax your
mind and when you feel tense, you can more easily let it go.

12. Ask for help. Talk to a family member, trusted friend,
clergy person, or counselor to help you understand what's
happening with your sudden stress response, and to come
up with solutions.

How Does Stress Start?

"How does stress start?" is another question from Mr. Atta
Yaw in West Africa.

I actually answered this question and posted it last week, but my
blog was temporarily suspended because it looked like this article
could be spam! I was shocked, but I'm back so all is well.

So I'm taking out some of the potential spam words and trying again!
Here goes!

Here is my personal, practical answer based on blending
holistic psychology and practical spirituality for many years.

Stress starts when two forces oppose each other --
pushing or pulling in opposite directions.

In the case of the human body, mind and spirit, it begins when
something happens and we resist from a place of fear, worry,
anxiety, overwhelm, anger, frustration, helplessness, and so on.

Or, as you'll see in my answer to your next question, stress can
begin because of a chemical change in the body itself. There
is such a dynamic interplay among the factors of body, mind
and emotions that it is often difficult to pinpoint where stress starts.

The trigger could be from our own thoughts, feelings, attitudes
and choices. Or the trigger could be from the people, situations
and events around us who "push or pull us" in one direction.

This can be as simple as, something happens and we don't
like it.

Or, we need to accomplish something important but don't have
enough time. Something in the past frightened us and now
we resist approaching that kind of person or animal or situation again.

What we think about the situation ("This is terrible! I can't handle it.")
determines how we feel.

How we feel gets translated into physical, emotional and mental
stress in a spiral of negativity that people describe as feeling anxious,
panicky, frustrated, frazzled, tired.

Stress can have a huge impact on the body and is a major factor
in many physical illnesses such as heart problems.

Fortunately, even though it can hard to pinpoint the ultimate causes,
it is possible to overcome the symptoms!

"Does stress have anything to do with chemical imbalance in
the body? Does the food one eats have any influence on one's stress level?"

Chemical imbalances in the body can certainly contribute to stress.

Some imbalances are caused by substances we take in voluntarily.
For instance, alcohol depresses the nervous system and can impair
social judgment, which can easily lead to poor choices that create
very stressful consequences for the individual who drinks to excess.

Nicotine stimulates the production of dopamine, which creates
positive feelings in the brain's pleasure center, but cigarette smoke
taxes the lungs and causes cancer, a delayed form of extreme physical
stress.

Excessive use of caffeine may induce negative effects such as
anxiety, restlessness, insomnia, and irregular heartbeats in some
sensitive individuals.

Other imbalances are caused by hereditary conditions or illness.
Many prescription drugs can have side effects such as anxious
feelings, fuzzy thinking or confusion.

Approaching menopause, with its natural hormonal changes in
women, can cause many symptoms such as irritability, moodiness,
hot flashes, sweats, and so forth.

A very common natural chemical imbalance that interplays
with stress and anxiety is hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar.
A drop in blood sugar causes release of the hormone epinephrine,
which supports the "fight or flight" response.

That's why the side effects of low blood sugar feel like stress and
can cause symptoms such as sweating, shakiness, anxiety, weakness,
irratibilty, confusion and many more.

All for now . . . more soon!
Joy and Peace,
Dr. Ilenya

Ask Dr. Ilenya: Seeking Inner Peace -- Twelve Tips for a Year of Transformation

Ask Dr. Ilenya

My latest subscriber letter with questions is from Mr. Atta Yaw, Tamale, Ghana, West Africa. I do love how international we are with the internet! He sent several questions, and I've tackled the first one here today.

He also received a downloadable copy of my e-book, 77 Loving Steps for Success. You can get your own free copy if I answer one of your questions dealing with stress, personal peace, success, self-compassion and related items! Send them to me at Dr.Ilenya@powerofpersonalpeace.com.


How can one achieve inner peace?

Dear Atta,

Thank you for writing to me and here is an answer to one of your questions. Watch for the others in the next few days!

Inner peace is a choice. As I see it, based on many years of study and practice, creating inner peace is a choice. It's also the opposite of choosing to remain overwhelmed by stress.

It's amazing how after many years of practicing spiritual exercises and meditation, working on myself in classes and individual counseling, and lots of introspection and journal writing, I still have to practice at maintaining my inner peace. Thankfully, after about 30 years, when my peace is disturbed, I can move back to peace more quickly. But I still deal with multiple stressors and have to choose peace consciously in order to keep my inner peace alive and vital within me!

Your straightforward question allowed me to reflect and pull together twelve keys that I work with over and over, with clients and with myself.

How to work with these tips.

If you just read the list and say, "That's nice, these are great tips," nothing will change in your experience. So give yourself the gift of actively working one of these tips each month for the next year or so.

To get the most out of these powerful ideas, print out this list and keep it where you can review it frequently.

Pick one of these suggestions. You might lovingly reflect to make your choice, or choose one at random, or maybe one item will "leap off the page" as the first choice for you.

Now think creatively about how you can put it to work in your life.

Here are some specific examples.

Do you want to learn meditation? Get a book or find an article on-line and sit down daily to practice meditating. Even five or ten minutes will pay off if you do it daily.

Are you ready to focus on what is good in yourself? Get your notebook and list five good things about yourself every night at bedtime. You can come up with other ways to acknowledge the good in yourself. The key is to do something along these lines every day!

Do you want to remember or discover that your divine essence is peace? You might close your eyes and affirm, "I am peace," or "I am at peace, resting in the center of my being." Repeat it gently until you feel it, for a few minutes each day.

Do it. Now, make time every day for the next 33 days to do at least one thing based on your chosen strategy. Put a star on your calendar each day when you complete your practice! If you miss a day, start over!

Be true to yourself and complete 33 days, because that's what it takes to create a solid new habit.

Pick another item. Next month, and thereafter, you can choose to work with a different strategy, or continue with one that seems especially valuable. In little more than a year, you'll have twelve new habits supporting your inner peace.

When you focus on inner peace over and over, a certain amount of stress simply resolves itself and vanishes. For the rest, you will have a wonderful foundation from which to handle any stressful challenges. Your foundation will be much more peaceful than it is today.

Be creative and have fun with this, and let me know your results!

Twelve Tips for Creating Inner Peace

1. Meditate or do spiritual exercises. This will give you a reference point for inner peace that will eventually spill over into your daily life.

2. Practice your faith consistently. You'll develop strength to see you through adversity, plus understanding of purpose for inner peace.

3. Practice gratitude for everything in your life. Even the things you don't like are here for your learning and growth. Gratitude leads to inner peace.

4. Look for the good. Look for the good in yourself and in everything and everyone around you. A warm glow of peace will fill you when see the good.

5. Promote peace in yourself. Choose to stay calm in the face of challenges.

6. Love yourself. Self-compassion and self-nurturing creating a foundation of inner safety in which it's easier to stay calm and peaceful.

7. Forgive yourself for anything you've judged in yourself. Release, and enjoy the inner peace again.

8. Forgive others. Let go of grudges and resentments against others. Forgive and forget for greater inner peace.

9. Practice honesty with yourself and others. When you are true to yourself, inner peace is present.

10. Discover who you are. Remember, you are much more than the body and personality that you normally identify with. Your core, your divine essence, is peace.

11. Focus on the positive. Expect the best, do your best, and you will receive what is best for you. Accepting this, you find inner peace.

12. Become a Neutral Loving Observer of yourself and your life. Then you can accept things you don't like, but see more choices for improvement.

Bonus Tip:

13. Look at life as a grand classroom. You are here to learn and grow and uplift yourself. Greater learning and self-awareness brings inner peace.

All for now --
Joy and peace,
Dr. Ilenya
http://www.powerofpersonalpeace.com
http://www.lovingyoursuccess.blogspot.com


Copyright 2007 Dr. Ilenya Marrin. You may publish this on your own blog or website, ezine, etc., as long as you keep it intact and include my urls.

Catching Up with You

Hello! Happy second week of 2007!

Those days just keep rolling around whether I put anything on this blog or not!
Whew. I get busy with other projects, like Christmas, and lose track.

I've been writing articles which are being published at EzineArticles.com. Here
are two new links and an older one, in case you missed it, where you can read:

Should You Try Meditation: Solutions for Three Common Fears

A New Year, A New You - Ten Tips for Creating Sacred Beginnings

From Heartbreak to Healing: Beyond Surviving the Stress of Divorce

More soon!
Joy and peace,
Dr. Ilenya